Thursday, January 20, 2011

And I missed you too

It's true I have been remiss in writing, but the fans clamor, and it's time to get back in the saddle so to speak. As a half assed excuse I have been to Costa Rica and have a job, which as we know can come and go. I get fired a lot, so I'm working this one as long as possible. It seems to be going pretty well, but I think it's because it's a writing job so I like it.

Hey I had pneumonia too!

The other thing is I have been putting off writing because I'm trying to spare you all the inevitable. I didn't mean for it to happen, but you all have to become vegetarians, or hunters. The thing is, this is totally not my fault. You know who's fault it is? The nuns. When I was a small child I went to a Catholic school, and just a word of advice, don't send your small child to a Catholic school where nuns are the teachers. Anyway, what happened is the nuns don't let kids go out of their class unless they have completed the curriculum, and learning how to read was the curriculum. If I didn't know how to read I wouldn't have all this disturbing information about how the meat here is grown, and you wouldn't have to be a vegetarian or hunter. Weird huh? And I probably should add that these were the '60's nun type that had the full on habit down to the ground, with the giant wimple (that white part around the face that the long black veil hangs off of) it's a technical term. And they had a crucifix that weighed one pound hanging around the neck. They may have been the last of a breed, but they were not a pleasant people. It might be ok to send your kids to a Catholic school full of nuns now, but check it out before you sign any contracts.

So I have already told you to read Fast Food Nation, Animal Vegetable Miracle, The Omnivores Dilemma, and In Defense of Food. I don't think you have, but it would be to the benefit of all if you did. Now the kicker, Eating Animals.The unfortunate take away is that most of the meat in this country is factory farmed. To keep it on the light side, lets just say the animals are abused beyond belief, fed things they wouldn't eat in real life, (there are some interesting stories about where the food comes from, That One told me one from a place he used to work.You don't want to know). So the animals have to be fed antibiotics because the conditions are so horrific they are sick all the time. Which means when people get sick the antibiotics don't work. This is the happy overview.

Then we turn our attention to chemicals. I am reading a book called Slow Death by Rubber Duck, which is not as much fun as it sounds. Don't ask. Just do not trust your government, or any chemical company. You know that stuff they found in the water in the movie Erin Brokovich? Turns out it's in a lot of water when tests are done to look for it. Giant sigh. You need to get a reverse osmosis water filter, I'm sorry about this too, just don't shoot the messenger. Because you will go to jail, and we don't want that.

So one of the things that happened while I was out of commission is the Chilean miners got out, which was pretty wow awesome bomb. What I want to know though as the greatest nation on earth, according to somebody, how come they have the really cool chant? Chi Chi Chi Le Le Le!

The midterm election happened at the wrong time, if the Democrats were still in power we would have funded a much needed "Department of Chant"

You know the life coach thing I was telling you about? Well here is a free coach. As soon as I get my certificate this is going to cost you.

Three things you don't want to say out loud during a Seahawks game.

1. Jesus God! I could have kicked a 25 yard field goal.

2 Of course I can.

3.Yes I will bet you $50.

So now here we are. Seriously, didn't everybody say that? Anyway, now there is a big hassle. January said I could just give her the $50, but I'm not. I'm going to go through a big bunch of trouble and then miss the gd field goal then give her $50. That ladies and gentlemen is how I roll.

That One sent this, apparently he sees something I'm missing, I don't know why he sent this really.

(Later) This is way harder than it looks, but as I told High School Friend football practice is going pretty good, the ball is going the required 25 yards if you count rolling.

January and I took a yoga class, that was fun. It gets you all stretched out, it's very calming, and there have been some comments on how that would be a good thing for some of us. The best part we get to wear our jammies in public. The only other time that is OK is when you are are Hugh Hefner, and that gig appears to be taken for at least another 75 years.
I have been meaning to point out a couple of things.

1. There is no such thing as a stemless wine glass, a stemless wine glass is called a tumbler, which can easily segue into a jelly jar. A wine glass has a stem. That is why when you say "Jethro, hand me a wine glass", Jethro doesn't reply, "Would you like the wine glass with The Flintstones or the Jetsons"? Even Jethro can identify a wineglass. By it's stem.

2. You know the whole Faceplant thing, (which I will remind you, is Facebook when you sign up a little bit drunk, and again, for once it wasn't me). Well I'm just saying, I don't care that it's Friday "Yay!" or Sad Face, "It's Monday, I have to go to work". Or hey, "I just ate a sandwich". This whole situation got out of hand somehow, I don't think this was the plan. "Hey, it might snow!" I don't know why I'm even bringing it up, I have no idea what my password is, I haven't looked at my Faceplant page in months, but I bet people are still having a sandwich on the way to work on Monday, sad face.


  1. It's about GD time!!! Oh how I have missed your rants!!

  2. I have been stressed since you weren't ranting for me because I am such a lazy ass and can't even do that for myself. Also, I meant to give you twenty when we were with High School Friends, really. Really.

    I signed up for Faceplant when I was drunk with a fake name, but everybody figured out who I was. Man oh man.

  3. Whichever Canadian I am these days...January 25, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Strong start. I think I will need another post before I start "following" again. I don't need the heartache and disappointment of waiting and waiting for nothing to come at this point in my life. My brother and I both closed our faceplant accounts today because we're twins and therefore not allowed to do things individually! I didn't make the rules! Go Canucks!