Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The I Told You So Bit

Remember the Twilight Zone episode where the kid had a whole town hostage because he could banish people "to the corn"? He could read minds, and if people thought anything about him he didn't like he would send them to the corn, (when I saw the episode and it all made sense, it occurs to me now that sending people to the corn is a little odd. Corn? There actually was a corn field, so he was a farm kid I guess) never to be heard from again. So the whole town spend their waking hours thinking inane thoughts such as; "I wonder if the geraniums need water?" and "Do we have any milk?" and "Here I am making a sandwich". The reason I ask is because the Torchlight Parade was last night in Seattle. (International Readers, it's just a parade at night). Drew Carey was the grand marshal. Have you seen him? He lost about 80 pounds, it's weird.

I remind you that I have made it clear that I think most social media is just stupid. Faceplant (drunk Facebook) is, although now that Microsoft bought Skype and we can now watch each other eat a sandwich it is much improved. Anyway, God this is taking forever, the reason I bring this up is, last night on TV during the parade they were displaying tweets on a crawl at the bottom of the screen.

An example;" Drew Carey is soooo funny!", "Wish I could be there, thanks channel 5 for having the parade!"
"Hi granny! Hope we get to see you in the crowd!", "Great job channel 5, keep up the good work!" This shit went on for hours. Seriously not one thought that needed to even come out of some ones head, got written down, sent, (I'm very close to refusing to use the word tweet anymore) and PUT ON GODDAMN TV. Just to clarify. The Torchlight Parade has been a tradition in Seattle as part of Seafair (International readers, it doesn't matter, except if you're ever in Seattle in August the Blue Angels are freaking awesome) for about 300 years, and some TV station has risen to the occasion and put it on the air every single year. I think it may behoove someone down at Channel 5, to stand back and think about whether having that idiot crawl at the bottom, proving that a large part of their audience can't put a thought together was a good idea. Lord knows I'm a big fan of writing whatever comes into my head, but the day I start verbally standing on my tiptoes and waving to my friend across the restaurant and expecting you to read it, you may feel free to unsubscribe.

It's worse. The hydro races were on yesterday, same thing, the crawl at the bottom of the screen announcing to all that; "I'm looking forward to the Blue Angels!" "Great job on the hydro races Channel 4 or 7 or whatever." "Sure is sunny and warm out!" If this keeps up I am going to kill my TV. Apostrophe Editor, I will need to borrow a gun.

The New Hire Bit

Well I don't even know what's been up with me. One thing, apparently The Other One has 1. Thrown a fit about the whole rapture thing in the last web log, by the way, Worst Rapture Ever 2. Retracted his fit after January pointed out the redeeming part of it, and 3. Appointed himself a Vice President. So all's well that ends well on that web log. I hope we don't have another round of fits when he finds out the Vice Presidency is an unpaid position. Also someone pointed out in a comment that the rapture has been rescheduled for October, so this will be revisited, the VP will just have to suck it up now that he works here.

The Months of  New Material Bit

Aren't you excited about Michelle Bachman? She is almost as entertaining as Sarah Palin, and as a bonus she looks a little odd (see Newsweek cover) but her voice is the voice of an angel after Palin. Her husband is such a bonus. The clip on YouTube where he explains that The Barbarians must be punished is pretty good. By the way, The Barbarians are gay people. So he's got his head on straight. I thought about voting for her until she used the phrase "We got pregnant". Deal breaker.

Why Can't I Be In Charge Part

The Barbarians that need to be punished of course are taggers, who are making Seattle look like a New York subway, and the people who throw cigarette butts all over the ground. I wish they would let me do the punishing, I'm a bleeding heart liberal and I want to beat the crap out of them. I wrote to the Mayor, Mayor Mc Schwinn, (International Readers, he's really into bicycles, you remember the Sharrows from an early blog right?) he actually wrote back a thoughtful letter, or they have a kick ass form letter program, not sure which. Anyway, they know all about the taggers, apparently there used to be a cop who knows all the taggers and their tags so he went after them, but he retired or something so it's all a big mess again. Not helpful Mc Schwinn.

The, I Need Your Address Part

The whole debt ceiling debacle is getting interesting. I love Obama like a brother, but I have to say, "Get in there and be the President". How hard can that be? By the time this gets posted we all may be homeless. In fact let's just all make a list of who has spare bedrooms in case I need to come live with you. I have two cats, but on the upside I can trade time in Costa Rica.

What the Hell Was I Thinking Part, Juicing Is A Crazy Amount Of Work Area (I'm Tired of The Words Bit And Part)

The comma editor and I have been doing a juice fast/cleansing, it's going to last for 10 days. It's good for making you appreciate, well, food. It's kind of easy though not to have to think about what to eat. Although I knew it was getting to me a little when I was doing laundry the other day and I got a whiff of something that smelled delicious and realized that it was the bag of dry cat food. The most important thing I have learned is when this is over I will be able to make the best rum drinks ever. All the fruit juice is delightful. You know what isn't? Juiced kale.


This reminds me of a cute story. Don't you love cute grand children stories? I don't care, sit down. Roselator, who is 8 was making an avatar of me for the Xbox, she had the spiky white hair and big hoop earrings and we talked about whether I would wear various outfits. Her 4 year old brother, yet to be named, I mean he has a name, he's 4 for crying out loud, but for purposes of the web log he doesn't yet. Anyway he showed up in the middle of the construction of the avatar. You know how little kids stutter when they get really excited? He came up and said "And, and, and, and, you're FAT!" And he held up his hands to show me just how fat. See, the cute part is he thought of one all by himself, he wanted to get in on the avatar making action and Roselator had already taken all the obvious (and socially acceptable) identifying characteristics. A piece of technology we don't need by the way, is the thing in the Xbox they don't tell you about that takes a video of you playing the game.

I Might Be Senile Part

I just re-read this and I'm damned if I can figure out how juiced kale reminded me of a cute story.

I Know Where You Live Area

During the writing of this the debt limit got solved sort of, now the US rating has been downgraded and the stock market is nuts, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to be moving in with you. Make sure you have coffee in the morning, and we are good.