Thursday, March 25, 2010

Bad Times

Getting bad reviews, from the under generation.

I have been working myself to the bone and getting bony fingers. Wait, I've been working my fingers to the bone and getting bony fingers, that's right.

Not that I'm bitter, but I think the fact that I'm working all by myself to straighten up the entire world, just beginning with Seattle is going over the heads of these tots. I don't care if you do have kids and mortgages, I will tell you when you leave totdom. Boy spell check didn't like that one.

One of my critics (January) said there should be more jokes, apparently the dire state of the world is a problem to be corrected without my help. Fine.

Dyslexic guy goes into a bra.

That just used up the only joke I can ever remember, I hope you're happy.

I am going to try a new format, instead of doing a long thought provoking informative incisive piece every week, I am going to chop it up into bits.

  • Traffic
  • Radio
  • Manners
  • Restaurants
  • Recycling/Environmental Shit
  • Politics
The bullet points are getting annoying. At any rate the idea is that there will be a list of shorter, yet still genius bits every week.

This week for example we will
begin with TRAFFIC. I have been working a temp job this week in Renton so I was trying to get back to Seattle.

There was a Sounders game at Quest, so the Seattle cops were out in force screwing traffic up as fast as their little arms could fly.

Would you like to know what makes me mad about cops directing traffic? WE HAVE TRAFFIC LIGHTS FOR THAT. What the cops do is stand in the middle of the street occasionally strolling into the path of the car at the front of the line to make sure traffic can't flow, and randomly letting pedestrians cross the street. WE HAVE TRAFFIC LIGHTS FOR THAT. It took me 20 minutes to go 3 blocks.


I am devastated to realize that the radio topic is going to be a non starter.

One of my family members who has lived in Seattle for years and years and years, (yes that was uncalled for, but I'm pissed about the radio thing) said she had never heard of Dori Monson. I found that hard to believe, but I sucked it up and decided that perhaps if it isn't going to play with Seattle natives it sure isn't going to work for the International Readers. But it hurts.

I LOVE radio, mainly talk radio probably due to years of working in the nursery alone. The plant kind, not the baby kind, I could go most of the day, most of the week without a human sighting, so I bonded in perhaps an unhealthy way with radio.

Dori Monson is a Seattle talk show host who is becoming hilarious by way of his creeping right wing crazy. I used to like him a lot of the time, but now he is way nuts and snotty too, so that's too bad He is following the Dr. Laura/Tom Lykus career path. Are they still on the radio?

There was a recent incident where the Superintendent of Public Instruction for Washington State was pulled over for speeding and got popped for a DUI. Dori Monson was foaming at the mouth. This Is An Outrage. This man is supposed to be a role model. He was at the forefront don't you worry. Without Dori Monson the irony would have been lost.

Anyway, radio is going to come up, but I'll try to keep it at a dull roar.


You can bring your own Tupperware thing to a restaurant and you don't have to use a Styrofoam thing for leftovers. I just reread that and it said leftover instead of leftovers, it was funnier that way, try it.

The stupid thing about that paragraph is I wasn't trying to be funny so the whole thing doesn't make sense, but I'm leaving it in.


I smoked for a really long time so I'm extremely qualified to comment on this one. Why is it that bar owners and smokers between them (if you think about it there are thousands of brains involved), can't figure out that there are no ashtrays outside of bars and clubs? It's been years since the law prohibiting smoking inside has been in place. In fact there was some indication (it was in the newspaper) that the law was voted on and passed and we knew the date that is was going to take effect, so my question is, how is it that the best solution so far is to throw one million cigarette butts on the ground? Every weekend.

The smokers are like goldfish who have a 12 second memory, it's all new every time. "I just went out for a cigarette and there was no ashtray, maybe this time there will be".

If you walk down First Avenue on a Saturday morning it's pretty disgusting. In front of the clubs there are thousands of cigarette butts on the sidewalk.

Seriously, is there not a single problem solving skill in all of Seattle? What sort of pigs can't figure out where to put a cigarette butt? And Club Owners, you collection of Einsteins, buy a Goddammit bucket and put some sand in it. Or an actual ashtray. All this shit is going into the storm drains. Stop being dumb asses.


I heard a pretty interesting poll result (talk radio, Dave Ross, he is the most reasonable radio guy in Seattle. He is very smart and not crazy) it was a Harris Poll, so I think reasonably reliable.

It's pretty fun because apparently a huge number of Republicans believe: (Shit here come the bullet points again).

  • Barak Obama wasn't born here
  • Barak Obama is a Socialist
  • Barak Obama follows the tenets of the Nazis
  • Barak Obama is a Muslim
If we are at the point where a pinko Nazi (how does that even work?) Muslim Peruvian(?) Scandinavian(?) dude strolls in here and gets elected president we have some serious border control issues.

In the defense of the Republicans the pollster pointed out that if you take into account the education level of the polled, the results were skewed.

If you want to call that a defense.

The criticism, to get back to the main subject, is being taken seriously, us artists have to take some harsh business from time to time. I was listening to a podcast today, Luke Burbank (it's great, I highly recommend the show, it's called Too Beautiful To Live) he had Sherman Alexei on, who is a Native American guy who is a wonderful writer and, (who knew?) basketball player. Alexei is a critic of the current atmosphere of free everything on the internet. His bottom line is that art that's good is in trouble, but the lowest common denominator type art will thrive. I feel real good about that.

Now the last thing. We need to get some more people reading this, 17 followers is a good start. Someone asked me how to become a follower, and I just would love to be able to answer that.

The reason you want to get this going around the globe, (really as far as I know there is only one international reader, but he is really far away), is in your own best interest.

At the rate we are going dudes and dudettes each tee-shirt is now going to cost you about $12,000. They aren't even done yet, but I'm here to tell you they aren't going to be that good.