Friday, May 20, 2011

The End

I was just looking at the last one of these and I'm damned if I can figure out what the name of that post was supposed to mean. There is usually a logical tie in eventually, but not this time. 

I'm just letting you know, May 21st, is supposed to be the end of the world. One wonders if one should council not paying the bills, because let's face it, that takes time and it's boring and is that how we want to spend our last hours? Or should we buy a car or motor home that we can't pay for, or should we just be responsible until the very end? It's a puzzle. There is always a chance that we will all wake up on the 22nd. That could be embarrassing if we take the end of the world date seriously and it doesn't happen. But we are going to look real dumb if the end of the world happens and we spent the last hours taking out the recycling, and flossing. I don't know where the end of the world prediction came from and I don't think I care that much. It will either happen or it won't. Anyway, this web log should be the last thing you read. Or the first thing next time.

There was a whole bunch of good stuff written here last time I looked. I don't know what happened to it. Maybe the end is near. Or maybe I accidentally deleted it. Wish I could remember what it was.

That One sent me this great picture, about how you shouldn't fall off a cliff because if you do your feet will be torn off and when they come to get you up from the bottom you won't be able to walk back up the hill. This would be especially annoying if you only fell a few feet and got stuck on a branch Beetle Bailey style and weren't hurt at all. So be kind of careful around cliffs OK?

I just remembered what I was mad about when I wrote the part that's missing. Have you seen the ad on TV (again I know I must watch too much TV, but you have to admit that's where they keep a lot of the funny stuff. Can't help going back to Trump Hair). Anyway, there are these new pop up garbage can things, they are made out of plastic of course, and you can throw your keg cups in them and then throw the whole thing away! How great is that?! They also have one that has a recycle logo on it that you can use to put your recycling in. They were a little vague about that, although to be fair they did mention that you could use it again.Or throw it away! Because if you throw it away you will need a new one won't you? And furthermore, don't you dare buy one of those paper towel holders for your bathroom. Just use towels like normal people. Do you want your bathroom to look like a gas station rest room? I didn't think so.

Perfect solutions to problems you never knew you had right? Well, the advertisers have your back.

Thank heavens none of you would use a keg cup anymore, and if you still have some old ones we don't throw them away, we wash them and bring them on to the next picnic. Although I still don't know why everybody doesn't just go to Goodwill and buy some glasses that are just for events. Much more pleasant to use, and glass doesn't get broken nearly as easily or often as the plastic folks would like us to believe.

Bin Laden is no longer with us, he's in heaven with the virgins. One wonders what the virgins did to deserve that. Well let's just not think about it after all. The good news is if you guys have anything to hide, even something pretty big, Pakistan might be a good place, they don't seem to be real observant.

Breaking news, the world isn't going to end, it's just the Rapture. That is when all the Christians get called to heaven, there is going to be a weird minute or two where some of the people you know suddenly are airborne, and just keep going up like a helium balloon or Mary Poppins until you can't see them anymore. The rest of us will still be here, so it's going to be pretty much the same, with all the heathens and Jews and Buddhists and Islamic folks and, well everybody except the True Christians are going to be left. From what I can gather there is going to be a 7 year period when the devil will be running the show, not all that different from... Oh never mind, that's just lazy. Then, Jesus is coming back and there is going to be a thousand year run when he is in charge of Earth. Sounds like a really long two day insurance sales conference, but I'm not in the true believer Christian group, and therefore do not get to make comments. So, it's going to make more parking spaces for the rest of us, and getting a reservation for a wedding at St. Patrick's Cathedral is going to be a lot easier. Let's have fun for the next two days guessing who is going to be pulled up and who isn't. I say Newt Gingrich will still be here. Probably Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I'm confused about the 7 years of hellish Earth times, and then the 1000 year Jesus run, seems if it's to punish us non Christians it should be the other way around. And what's up with the actual times? Who knows this? Anyway, wouldn't it be funny if I got raptured? (Spell check wants that to be ruptured. I love spell check) Anyway, I don't want to be. I want to stay here with most of you.