Saturday, August 21, 2010

January is the meanest girl ever. She said the blog I wrote and now have had to scrap was terrible and it was hard to read and in order to fix it I had to make it funny. It's not mean if it's true. That's not true.

Well, I'm keeping the part at the end about the Mexicans.

Big News, first of all. The Comma Editor thought I was kidding about the pay pal link so you can send me the $3 for the Paula Deen sightings. He will have to fix that.

You send money to

The news here is I am now a professional writer. We were having drinks with High School Friend and she was pretty horrified that I had not been getting the $3's from you all, so she threw in some dough. $2, so Stephen King has nothing to fear. That was all she had in cash, at least that was her story. I'm pretty sure I saw a $20 bill peeking out. I might have been able to make change. I'm going to just let that go because legally I'm a professional, so thank you High School Friend.

The moral of the story is the rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Feel free by the way to just hand it to me when you see me. International readers obviously will have to use Pay Pal.

Did you even know Dr. Laura was still on the radio? I love talk radio, but not her. The reason I don't like her is because she is a Horrible Bitch. She is a truly awful person, mean and arrogant and possibly the worst hypocrite on Earth. So her whole n-word thing was entertaining. I hope you got to hear some of it so you know that she is a Horrible Bitch etc. The happy result is that she is going off the air. She is spinning it that she wants her First Amendment rights, (which she actually still has, which is why she was able to put her foot in her mouth in such a flame out manner). It turns out that her sponsors are kind of not into her right now. Good riddance I say. The amusing thing about it is she's so full of herself she really doesn't get that she is wrong. I should sic January on her.

Obama was in Pioneer Freaking Square Tuesday. I am all the way pissed. We were there ONE HOUR before he walked into the Grand Central Bakery. Why was there no memo? I was right there! 

Then came the sonic booms, which by the way scared the crap out of us. It sounded to me like something blew up, not like a sonic boom. The great part of this is so many people called 911 that the system went down.

For the International Readers I will catch you up. Obama is the President of the United States. Pioneer Square is the oldest part of Seattle, cool old buildings and a square (hence the name) dappled with homeless people for some ambiance. 

Lake Washington is a lake in the city where there are quite a few float planes. One of them belongs to a couple who had been on vacation at Lake Chelan which is in Eastern Washington. They flew back, and landed in Lake Washington, which on every other day is a landing you can walk or swim away from and therefore successful. However Tuesday because Obama was in Seattle, Lake Washington was restricted air space. Oops. 

This is where it gets pretty cool. Fighter jets were scrambled from Portland Oregon, and they were here in 11 MINUTES!!! Wow awesome bomb. That's where the sonic booms came from. For someone who is a bleeding heart liberal and not that into wars, and also not much of a fan of technology, at least the technology that refuses to bend to my will, I love that. It probably cost a half million dollars, but I don't care. 

I do think the the couple should have to pick up litter in the orange vests though.

Back to the 911 calls.

  • And now that I think about how mean January is, I TOLD you I have ADD, This is short for Attention Deficit Disorder. Which means I spend a lot of time trying to remember what I was just doing. Like I put part of a load of laundry in the dryer yesterday, but not all of it.

How do you think the 911 call would go? 

"What is your emergency?"
"I heard a noise"
"Is anyone hurt?"
"Is your house on fire?'
"Did you crash your car?"
"It was a real loud noise"

I don't know where it would go from there, but I bet the 911 dispatchers were ready to leap through the phone and strangle people after a few hundred of those.

Bitchy Bit 

This isn't really bitchy, just my opinion. I am up to here with the debate over the Mexican immigration issue. 

I'm excited because I'm going to use bullet points. There is a good chance I'm not going to be able to figure out how to use the bullet points and the apostrophe editor is going to have to deal with it. But there will be bullet points.

  • We in America are here because someone related to us got up the guts to leave their city, country and family.

  • This was pre Faceplant, (which is what happens to Facebook when you sign up drunk, for once it wasn't me). Most of these people never saw their families again. They were lucky to get a letter once a year. Think on that for a minute. 
  •  The difference between our ancestors and the Mexicans now is all our ancestors had to do was figure out how to get here. If they didn't have a clear case of Smallpox or Cholera they were allowed to walk in the front door and start looking for shit work. That's the way it always works for immigrants here, except for the Irish. They  couldn't even apply for the shit work in a lot of places. Still pissed about that. 
    • Mexicans just come here for the benefits. You must go out of your house never to say that. Who is taking your plates away at the restaurant? Cleaning your hotel room? Mowing your lawn? Building houses? These people are looking for work. And see the above paragraph? They are doing the shit work. I am amazed at the lack of anger at the companies that are employing illegals. A few years ago Walmart got busted for having illegal Mexicans working as cleaning crews in their stores. They got around it, or tried to by saying they contracted the cleaning crews and had no idea the workers were illegal. Yeah, Walmart had no idea. No idea.

    • Speak English. A lot of the folks who are foaming at the mouth over the Mexicans don't have a real firm grip on the language themselves. Once I hear "I seen them" as far as I'm concerned, you are no longer a player in the discussion. ALL SECOND GENERATION AMERICANS SPEAK ENGLISH. It's absolutely common for the first generation to depend on their English speaking kids to conduct business. Millions of first generation immigrants from all over the world never learned English, all of their kids did.

    • Mexicans are criminals and gang members. Well, no shit. But you know what? There are criminals and bad guys all over the place. I could be wrong, but the last time I checked the Mafia (not Mexican) is still numero uno in the crime department, maybe they just have a better publicist. 
    •  The notion that Mexicans are coming here to have "Anchor Babies". Now there's a Christian phrase. But it does bring us back to the whole who deserves to be here. When I hear people screaming about the whole immigration thing I become hyper aware that I didn't do a damn thing to become a American citizen and neither did they. We literally were born here before the door was slammed shut and furthermore I'm not sure I would have the guts to go through what the Mexicans are going through to get here.

    • There is no doubt that there are people coming here for the benefits, but most of them are coming for the benefit of being in America. I just think the racist vitriol should be damped down a little. We can figure out what should be done without all the name calling. The Mexicans have the same ratio of good guys and jerks as all the other ethnic groups 

    • Ok, I wash my hands of the Mexicans.
    I was right about the bullet points, the damn things are everywhere, a plethora. The Apostrophe Editor has his work cut out for him.
    A Good Thing

    As you may have heard, I am having a big ol' fight with plastic. I believe I am bringing plastic to its knees. At least single use plastic. One of the problems I have been having is running out of things like shampoo and liquid dish soap. (Turns out powdered laundry detergent does take a layer of skin off). So, I took an old shampoo bottle into PCC, (International readers, it's a hippy type organic store chain in Seattle), anyway, they have all this stuff in bulk. 

    I was all twanged out because the shampoo bottle was 32 ounces. WTF, we use the not metric system here in the US of A, and that means there should have been 36 ounces. I decided since I'm pretty rich, I'll just pay for the other 4 ounces, because the PCC bottles they sell are 36 ounces in the correct American style. But, they just charged me by the ounce, and now I am even more rich because they give you a 25 cent bonus for bringing in your own bottle!

    The happy moral of the story is you have right now in your house, all the plastic bottles you need for the rest of your life. I know, it's exciting. You're welcome.

    Another good thing, twice this week I have seen family members with waxed paper sandwich bags, one of whom was January and I'm still mad at her, so she isn't getting a shout out.

    But Roselator is, she said she picked them out. She is 7, it's pretty intense having to justify this whole plastic thing to her. She will accept absolutely not one statement about plastic being bad at face value, she argues about it constantly and I'd better be able to document. It's because the Apostrophe Editor is her father.

    There were no new Paula Deen sightings, so you still only owe me $3.