Blogging from Costa Rica was easy because so much of what goes on there is just puzzling and odd. The culture is something to talk about. But back here it’s just the same old thing, and I couldn’t find a theme, a reason, what would my topics be?
Well you will be glad to know I have had an epiphany about what I’m good at I don't know what took me so long to figure it out. I’m pretty good at complaining.
My son once told me I’m the only person he’s ever known who gets grumpier when they smoke pot. I know that didn’t come out covering me with glory on any level. I really don’t smoke pot; it was peer pressure at a party. In my defense I have only smoked pot a few times in my life, and in his defense it hurt my throat which did make me grumpy for a minute.
On a similar note I once wrote into the Rant and Rave column in the Sunday Seattle Times, about how there is no way for people at Bellevue Square to recycle. (I realize that I am writing for an international audience now, so a brief explanation: it’s an upscale mall in Bellevue, a suburb of Seattle. The City Without a Soul I like to call it.) Anyway there are no recycling bins anywhere which is just ridiculous. The Times printed my rant and I forgot about it, until the next time I saw my son about a month later, he said he had seen it and was pretty sure I had written it, but I didn't sound pissed off enough. Well they had taken out the part about how Kemper Freeman Jr, the owner of the mall should be ashamed of himself. I had been edited, which watered the whole thing down.
I was babysitting yesterday, a 3 year old princess. It takes a princess awhile to get dressed. First there is a dress, then a petticoat goes over that, on top of it all goes a fairy skirt deal with flowers and leaves, then you have to sort through the crowns, some are too tight. Then the jewelry, three bracelets on one arm, one on the other. And finally a ring and she was ready.
I was sitting on the floor helping choose among hundreds of pieces of jewelry, thinking I was pretty good at this lady in waiting business. She looked at me and said "You are a witch".
Clearly I'm qualified for this job, overqualified even.
So this is how it’s going to go. I will post a blog every Friday, and your job if you like it, is to send it on. You know, the more I think about it, just send it on. We need to have it reach about a million people, (does that seem like too many or not enough?) which will be interesting, because most of what I have to complain about is peculiar to Seattle, but we’ll see. If necessary I could go elsewhere and find stuff to bitch about, but really it’s the repetition of stupidity that finally puts the pearl in my oyster. So I’m not that cranky really. Most of the subject matter is universal anyway, running a red light is bad in Dallas too.
As those of you who know me know, I didn’t go to college. I have a great respect for higher education. But I have finally separated in my mind the difference between well educated people and people who are smart, there is such a thing as too much awe. I have gone along most of my life thinking “Hey that seems kind of stupid, but I know only smart people are in charge there, so it must be OK.” I have finally figured out that I ain’t no genius, but I’m at least fit to comment.
The thing is, most of what drives me nuts seems just so easy to fix. Somehow thoughtfulness has been replaced with a misguided sense of personal rights. I'm all for that, but as the saying goes "your right to swing your fist ends when it meets my face." Common manners, and common sense, that's all I'm asking.
We have goals here, and yes readers you have some work to do, well you have to put in an email address and push send, so not a lot of work, but it needs to be interactive. So, to make sure we are clear our goals are:
* Raise money through advertising and subscription, or a fund raiser, not sure yet. All of you who know me know that the logical sponsor is Bud Lite, so I’m hoping there will be a six degree of separation situation and that this gets this to them. You can tell them I liked the house made out of Bud Lite during the Super Bowl a lot, and the Real Men of Genius radio commercials are genius. Also I believe my rates will look verrrrry competitive.
* Become famous enough that someone goes up to Paula Dean and says “You look just like that blogger from Seattle."
I really don’t mean to complain about everything, and I promise to have a spot to point out something good every week too.
So, you want to know, what are some of the topics going to be?
The incident that sent me over the top happened last night at was what will likely be my last dinner at Café Flora in Seattle’s Madison Valley. International readers Café Flora is one of a handful of I guess you could say gourmet, high end vegetarian restaurants in Seattle.
Things that are wrong with restaurants
That's one topic. There will be a running theme restaurant wise, with an emphasis on Happy Hours.
Spitting on the sidewalk, cigarette butts outside clubs. Who raised you people?
Is there some Twilight Zone around here that makes the people in charge just not able to figure out what the point of a sign is, because it’s not that hard. Microsofties will be, raked over the coals then keelhauled.
I was under the impression that if you’re old enough to remember the old PBS series Faulty Towers, which was hilarious, you were supposed to be old enough to think Doc Martin is funny. That isn’t really a complaint; I’m just real confused about it.
Government/Seattle City Council
Really? 500 bicycles painted on the streets of Seattle in the middle of a Depression? .
I just don't like a lot of them, and people use some wrong and then sometimes they just make them up.
Dori Monson is the Grasshopper of Dr. Laura
International readers, Dori Monson is a local radio talk show host.
Running Red Lights
Recycling and how people need to stop being bone lazy and stupid
Kemper Freeman listen up.
The Seattle Downtown Library
I probably can't really do a whole thing on it, I just don't like it and I really wanted to.
It’s kind of interesting there are forces at work I was surprised to learn.
Facebook and Twitter
Jesus. Not complaining about Jesus, I was just swearing.
This is the list I came up with between 6-7 this morning. I'm a little alarmed that it took so little time to assemble this many topics. As you can see it's just small things that irritate me. Well that isn't true, but we are going to start with the small things and work our way up. It's all pretty easy to fix, so I expect we will all be happier soon, I know I feel better already.
I may have been exaggerating a little about how the masses were clamoring for the return of my blog, but thanks you two!
The name of the blog is "It's Not Mean If It's True."
Tee shirts coming soon.