Monday, May 2, 2011

You Think I'm Kidding?

New Subject, I Don't Want To Talk About It

Thank God the Football Kick is over. It didn't go that well. The thing is I really did practice a lot. Now, I have been doing weights and I thought that would help, but it didn't. What is especially annoying is The Comma Editor and The Other One both did it without any practice or anything. I kicked it a little ways. But not that far. I thought I could leave it alone, but I have bet January that I can do it next year. I want my money back. Seriously, that shit cost me a $50 bill.


Proctor  and Gamble or possibly Gambel have raised the price of disposable diapers. Gas prices, don't you know. OK people, I have explained about how we don't want to put some undocumented (because the chemical people would rather not talk about it) chemical stuff on our babies body parts, but I'm still saying, don't. Baby Diaper Service is your friend, they have diapers. They bring them to you and take them away, and they have rags that are former diapers, technically still diapers, that are the best for cleaning.

The other thing I was wondering about. There was a commercial on about this fabric softener stuff, and the big excitement was that the smell on your sheets lasts for 4 days. I got to thinking about it and wondered if they did that on purpose, or if the chemical guys came into work after a long weekend and said, "Wow this still smells, what the hell" Then they kicked it over to the advertising department to make it something good. I do not trust the chemical people, AT ALL.

Running for President

Donald, Donald, Donald.

I know he's rich, and whatever, but do we really want a man who can't get a grip on his own hair running the country? Yes, Trump is going to throw his hat into the ring, but not yet. Apparently the founding fathers were more visionary than we have even give them credit for. They saw The Apprentice coming and adjusted for it. The Donald can't declare as long as he and his coif are on TV firing people. He is doing good work though; His People are making sure Obama wasn't born here. He has detectives and everything.

You know those puzzles where you have to figure out what the next number in the series is? After Sarah Palin and Donald Trump, looking to get the nod, I'm really afraid Carrot Top is the next one in the sequence.

Late breaking news, Obama produced his birth certificate. It's forged though, that's why it took so long.

You know what we should do? Make people who want to run for president fill out a form.

Red Light Cameras / Tim Eyeman

Now all you International Readers are just going to have to get a drink and sit down. Well, lets all do that really.

I have always thought the red, yellow; green light system of stop and go on our roadways was pretty good. Simple, easy to follow, plenty of warning, uncomplicated.

It seems like a pretty simple way to keep us from running into each other with our cars and killing us, am I right? Well, some of our fellow countrymen feel it's a system that they prefer not to participate in, as though it's optional. This brings us to Red Light Cameras. What happens when arrogant a-holes decide the red light doesn't mean them, is, people get run into in intersections, killed, maimed, fenders bent, pedestrians mowed down. But the red light runners don't care because they are more important than you. The running of red lights has become so rampant that some cities have put up cameras at some intersections where this happens the most, and send people tickets in the mail.

Sounds like a good idea to me.

But here in Washington we have a head A-hole, whose name is Tim Eyeman. He has found a cozy niche,  he makes a  fine living by introducing initiatives to put on the ballot. I don't like this guy. During his first initiative campaign, which was to lower the car tab tax to $30, he swore up and down it was to bring justice to the car driving citizens of Washington and he was doing it out of the kindness of his heart and his love of America and wanted nothing more than the rich satisfaction of helping his fellow Washingtonians. Turns out somebody looked at the books and there was some money missing, which turned up in Eyeman's pocket. "Oh", he said "you mean, that $200,000? His response? "Taxes are bad right?"

And all of his lemming-like followers said "Yes Tim, taxes are bad. All taxes." So this guy has to do nothing but go from one tax to the other every election season and people follow him like puppies. (Puppies historically are not the brightest).

If you ask a group "Is ice cream good? Are vacations fun? Do you hate taxes? You might reasonably expect a Hell Yeah. 

The next part of the equation is that right wing talk radio has somehow, and I say brilliantly, scrambled taxes with THE POLITICIANS (all of whom are evil). Literally I have heard arguments that would indicate that politicians raise taxes and somehow the money ends up in their paycheck. I don't think that really happens.

The thing is, we all live here.

I think we can all agree that we pay taxes on things we would rather not. Say for me, the war in Iraq. Some people would like to have poor kids starve. I don't really want to pay for the baseball and soccer tickets that some companies use as a cost of doing business deduction. If you want to take a client to a baseball game knock yourself out, pull out your personal credit card, don't use mine. But on the flip side, I like libraries, and street lights, and cops, especially the horseback ones, and pothole fillers, and ferries and schools, and immunizations for little kids and a lot of things that taxes pay for, and I would like it if some of it got paid for by...( I'm bringing it around now) fines from Red Light Camera runners.  Because you get to pick whether or not you pay the tax! America, America!

Well according to Eyeman and his genius followers the reason  red light cameras shouldn't be allowed is the technology. Seriously, they are using the half assed reason that you get caught by a camera and not by an actual cop on the beat. So, apparently feel free to rob a 7-11, or a bank ATM, because the camera isn't a human. SERIOUSLY? Tim, this is what you're bringing? And you followers, look! Something shiny! Do you like ice cream?! We use technology in every single aspect of every single day, and suddenly this is the place where it can't be trusted? What?

The city of Redmond, (International Readers, this is where we bought our first house when there were still mostly horses there, recently brought to you by Bill Gates and Microsoft), has decided to put red light cameras up, the first three months it was all warning tickets. They sent out 16,000. OK then, I have proposed this before, and I think it's still the best idea so far, howbout we just take all the lights down, and remove the false sense of security we derive from them. Since we are at the mercy of jerks who are too busy to use the system, lets make it every man for himself I say.You there, guy in a hurry in the BMW, my Toyota Echo has nothing to lose in a an intersection battle. You probably have way better insurance, and I'm fixing to find out. OW, my neck!

The part I find most incredible about this is that if you don't want to pay this tax don't run a Goddammit red light. The cities even put up signs that say "This intersection is controlled by a red light camera". Really? How about the only warning you are going to get is the yellow light and if you can't handle it, pay the Goddammit fine and shut up?

You don't want red light cameras? OK, how about this? Put cops at the major intersections and when you get a ticket for running a red light the fine is $5000, and you lose your license for 6 months. Now we are getting somewhere.

Whew, that took it out of me. I'm good though.

Sports Bit

The Canucks are still in the playoffs. Everybody, the Canucks play hockey. The Canadians love that shit. They got through the first round winning in overtime in game 7, so that was exciting. That One was dressed up in a ensemble, a jersey, blue and green face paint, beads, the whole thing. As you know, our team wins or loses depending on what we are wearing at the time, so now he is going to have to dress up in the outfit until they win the Stanley Cup. That's the prize when you are the best hockey team. It's gigantic.

Wedding Bit

 One of the Princes got married, good luck I say.

Radio Bit

At the very beginning of this web log I explained how I developed a love of talk radio from working alone in the plant nursery for years. I was listening to a Seattle radio guy named Dori Monson the other day, he claims to be a Libertarian, but really he's pretty right wing, anti union, really hates Mexicans, although he claims it's only the illegal ones, because they are all drug dealers and gang members. He is a big carnivore too. I wonder how he would reconcile the illegal Mexican workers who are the backbone of the factory farming industry. Anyway, of course he hates Obama too. Obama can't even go to church to suit this guys fancy. The minister who was preaching at Obama's church on Easter brought up some black history, and there was big doin's over that. Apparently the Negros should be over it. So anyway, this guy said that they have a new pastor in his church and she was preaching about how we should be showing more compassion for illegal Mexicans. He said, "I don't want to hear this in church, I want to hear her preach the gospel!"

I can't make that any funnier.