Tuesday, June 8, 2010

OK, maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't do the Hard Rock, that might have been Planet Hollywood. I bet that place is terrible too. Whatever. I liked Kindergarten Cop but don't tell anybody. I may have to consider bringing another editor on board for fact checking, but the editors I already have are underemployed. I can't get it together to send the web log to them early, which means the Comma Editor has it all on his shoulders. So how its working now is, I post the blog and then listen to the Editors tell me where I screwed up after it's in the world. I realize that is the role of an editor, it's my own fault. But it still stings.

I was just looking at last week's web log, I don't think that girl's bikini fits right.

Sometime last week I was listening to NPR, really I'm as intellectual as the next guy. (Spell check had to tell me how to spell intellectual), and there was a story about a woman who had a snake crawl out of her air conditioner vent. Someone asked her if she was afraid, and she said "Well, somebody crapped in my pants". I'm telling you this in case you think NPR is too full of serious reviews of The Middle East Situation and what not. They do have a lot of that, of course, the Middle East is going to blow it's damn self up before it's over with. If Jimmy Carter couldn't make a dent its just inevitable. They hate each other, and we should turn our attentions to problems that we can fix. Anyway, NPR has some good stuff. See it always gets back to radio somehow. I love radio.

Let us turn our attentions to problems we can solve. The Middle East? No. BP Oil?, No. Well that's not entirely true, Obama is going to kick their ass. Asses. The fact that there are people who would vote for Sarah Palin? Sadly, no. Well what then? I'm thinking, I'll let you know.

Here's one.

And I'm sorry to say, this is Not What Jesus Would Do

I called a perfect stranger a really bad word today. What happened was, we were walking up First Ave on our way home and some guy threw an empty cigarette box in the gutter. I think he was a taxi driver, (perhaps I should have been more careful), Anyway I turned around and picked up the box and held it out and said "You dropped this", he said "No I didn't" and I tried to hand it to him, and he wouldn't take it. That's where the bad, bad name came from. The Comma Editor was watching, he didn't hear the verbal exchange, so later when I told him what went on, he said "Well that explains the look on his face."

I am just up to here with a-holes doing that shit. People live in a Society. We have garbage cans,  (and red lights) and worst case, say we didn't. We have garbage cans in our homes do we not? I have dragged garbage around for hours or days in order to not throw it on the ground. I expect you to do the same.

And just not that shit, we need to be civilized, which means being thoughtful outside of ourselves. Who is in charge of teaching fundamental manners, because that's all we are talking about?

Say please. Hold the door when there is obviously someone right after you. Use your Goddammit head. Do unto others. I have a tendency to ask if people were raised by wolves, but I understand that there is no reason to insult the child rearing skills of wolves. Humans, that's a different story. 

Don't worry, to finish the story, at the next set of garbage/recycling cans I took the cellophane off the outside  of the cigarette box, and the foil from the inside and recycled the box part. I know, I'm awesome. The true story is, I smoked for a long time and that routine got to be automatic.

The thing is, this is a microcosmic bit of what's going on. You can mess up your place, but you don't get to be a lazy bastardo in mine. Bastardo is bastard in Spanish, I looked it up

We went bowling last week, I realize this is a non-sequitur but most of this is, so let us not agonize over it.  Point Is, I bowled the worst I ever have in my whole life and I finally realized why. The last time we went, I bowled the best game of my life. This morning I did the slap the forehead thing. I forgot to watch The Big Lebowski!

Stupid Stupid Stupid. Bowling, like any sport is just about training.

This is the long awaited picture of all the plastic we used in a month.

Pretty good huh? I'm pretty proud of us. The Comma Editor mainly, he has been dealing with shopping way more than I have. I wanted to put my hand in the picture so you could see how small the pile is, but the Comma Editor gets all pissy when I do that. He said one time that every Goddamn picture we took in Costa Rica has either my foot or my hand in it. Well of course they do, how else are you going to know how large the bug or how small the turtle? I have a pedicure for crying out loud, and a good ring. Shut up Comma Editor.

Okay. This is the comma editors foot. I made him do it.

I could make fun of people who drink water out of bottles right now, but I'm saving it.


Alright, I can't wait.

Someone did a study of pretty young kids and their ability to wait for rewards. The kids got so many M&M's right now, or more if they waited. The kids who waited for a reward actually did better later in life. Makes sense. I am not going to wait. What does that tell us? You can discuss this among yourselves later.

In the old days, about 15 years ago, (you might as well sit down, this gets a little complicated). You would be going about your day and it would enter your consciousness that  some water would be good, because you were thirsty. Here's how we handled it then. You went into the kitchen, got a glass, turned on the water, put that in the glass, then drank it. I don't remember what happened after that, someone took care of the glass. We had people.
That's all I've got.

No plastic bottle that would end up in the ocean, just the glass of water. Sometimes you would go for several hours without access to water. Yeah, we were pioneers, it was intense. Say you were shopping or on a car ride.You would just have a glass of water when you got there. Nuts huh? I personally am not acquainted with anyone who died as a result of not having water in their hand at all times. But I heard it happened to the cousin of a girl I knew. The bottled water people clearly are waaaaay smarter than I am, so don't listen to me. I'm just saying how it was before the Coca Cola company brought us enlightenment. ENLIGHTENMENT,  I meant to say. Thank you Jesus, and Coca Cola.

The Good Thing this week is, I was at a Mariners game last week with That One, and the opposing team hit a home run and the guy who caught it threw it back out onto the field. That just always makes me happy.

See you next week, forward this on. I know where you live.


  1. I hope that picture with the 2nd moth is stretched. It looks like you have a Lee Press On Nail on your big toe! And when only one toe has polish on it anymore, you can't really claim you have a pedicure.

  2. that is really funny! i guess there werent many places to get pedis in costa rica?
    and i agree about the girl in the bikini in the last blog- she may not have been the best choice of car-models...

  3. Car models are always kind of skanky. I think most guys actually look at the car and wonder, "Why are they letting her touch that car?" Maybe Armorall makes Syphilis-proof car wax.